In the distance
Far like stars
But large like sky
The soul beats
With silence
Telling me
To close my eyes
For the distance
Is only as long
As the blink of the eye
In me the distance's no more
In it the distance's no more
Existence is merely
An apparition though
Real as pain
Sublime as mist
Drenched in
The breath of creator
Dilemna is the new clarity
Wonder is the new question
Frustration is the new blessing
Silence is the new answer
Smile is the expression
Of what's beyond
Of itself
The question is not
Who Am I
Nor If Am I
When I is the question
The Answer too is I
The difference lies
In the way I smile(s)
Who Am I?
- Observer
- One who is Breathing
- The Constant
- The presence - the source & the destination (if at all)
- Om
What Am I?
- Beyond
- Substratum
- An illusory conviction
Where Am I?
- In me I am
- Centre of nothing
- Where not?
(Borrowed from COMMENTARY 760.3 DO BAD PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE GOOD? by MICHAEL JOSEPHSON on JANUARY 31, 2012)
When she was six, my daughter Carissa asked, “Do dumb people think they’re smart?” Answering her own question, she added, “They probably do because they’re dumb.”
This made me think: “Do bad people think they’re good?”
I wouldn’t be surprised if most do. In fact, I think all of us are ethical in our own eyes. The human tendency to rationalize, to justify our conduct in our own minds, provides a powerful anesthetic to our conscience.
Think of all the athletes, politicians, religious leaders, and business executives who’ve been caught in wrongdoing and who feel more like victims than villains.
Self-interest has a powerful tendency to disable our objectivity and befuddle our commitment to live up to moral principles.
The higher the stakes, the more likely it is that we’ll persuade ourselves that what we want to do, or what we’ve already done, is justified. When our financial or physical security is at stake, even the best of us are vulnerable to reason-crippling self-delusion that allows us to defend our positions with self-righteous ferocity – as if the mere intensity of our convictions makes them more valid.
One way to fortify our integrity is to be on the lookout for our tendency to rationalize and to remember that we don’t have a moral right to get what we want. Necessity isn’t a fact; it’s an interpretation.
Living an ethical life isn’t easy. It requires us to do the right thing even when it costs more than we want to pay.
Perhaps the best antidote to rationalization sickness is to rigorously and faithfully follow the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Time is too short, to worry about goals,
And neither too long to sit and refrain,
Time is too short to do it all,
And neither too long, to let it pass and befall,
What can one really achieve?
What has one ever really achieved?
Walking in the cloud of illusion,
In and out of sunshine,
I move holding Thy finger,
Making figures and figurines,
Images I can't fathom,
But the world may see,
Living it Now, as if for ever,
As if life before had never been,
Covered heights, but not yet there,
Braving the cold, when all is bare,
Singing songs of grace,
Living words of wisdom,
In sweet love and devotion,
Amidst hard work and commotion,
Even what matters the most, is only a game,
Life's short and cloud will soon be rain,
Quench the thirsts and fill the creeks
Be ready to flow and vaporize again.
(This is an old piece of writing I found somewhere hidden on my computer. I had written this on 11th February 2007, the day Guruji gave me the name Pushp Dant. It's so emotional, and so precious!)
This is to describe that day… the turning point… the day of dreams come true… dream of many lifetimes… the only wish in life… in this life, previous lives, and any other lives I might still have to take…
I was with Him yesterday… for the whole day. Being very close.. sat at his feet about an hour. Although I still wish I had no hesitations at that time, and I had touched his feet, pressed his legs, put my head in his laps, loved him, held him, consumed him… got consumed by him... Dissolved in Him...
Minus that regret, it was the most beautiful day of my life. And i think its gonna only be better. Aaah.. what words shall I use to describe that joy. Just that I could give my life, and lives, to get moments like these. :) :) :) :) Guruji I love you, and I am going to love you only more…
It started early morning on 11 February 2007. He came on 10th night, and had a flight to take early morning on 11th. We went to see him early morning around 6. His flight was at 7, which probably had gotten delayed, and he came out around 7.00-7.30. I was sitting in a corner; others (very few of them.. only 7-8) were sitting everywhere. He came, probably noticed me, and went on to see others. And when he turned to go back, then as if he knew that I was there all the time since he was in his bedroom, he looked at me, pressed my cheek (left one :) ), and looked as if I was the only one he is interested in, in the whole world at that moment.
And then the whole day long fun started. Events which made my life, and that which would be embedded in my memory for ever... Pushpadant........
I can't not acknowledge the contribution of Seema ji at this point. A candle needs a source to be lit. She has been my guiding light and spirit. Whatever I could ever do for her, will always be less. Grateful, always...
I am not talking about Guruji’s blog here, or about what he has said or written. I am talking about the wisdom that one so effortlessly obtains by just observing him - even lightly! The little things about his behavior, his ways of dealing with people and situations, his jokes and ability to joke… a sincere seeker, at the apt moment, could probably obtain the Highest Knowledge just by observing him without exchanging a single word with him! Knowledge seems to abundantly flow around him.
There are things one could learn from any other accomplished person also, but with Guruji, there’s a difference. The difference is obvious, yet easier felt than explained. The unspoken sense of love, wisdom and effortlessness around him can’t be found anywhere around a materialistically accomplished person.
Just few days back I spent another beautiful 2 days around him. I for sure am one of the most fortunate ones on the planet to have such opportunities, even though I personally believe it’s not necessary to be physically close to him to “know” him. My work takes me there, but Guru’s existence, really speaking, is much beyond just the physical proximity. “Longing” is very important to “know” him. And maintaining the “longing” when physically near him, needs sharp skill (or an uncontrollable heart as in my case). A different level of delusion operates around him.
The ease with which he walks amongst an anxious crowd of devotees is mind-boggling. One Master, 5 minutes and a thousand devotees… thousand thoughts, hundreds of letters & flowers, and he sees it all. Before I turned full-time, I always used to wonder, as another devotee in the crowd, how he always managed to spot me, exchange life-time worth of a loving glance, and resolve my feelings and questions in such a short fraction of time.
Standing on the other side, it’s impossible to fathom how it all happens even while you are yourself struggling to find walking space. A group of volunteers were trying to make a protective chain around him by holding hands in a circle, so that the crowd wouldn’t fall on him. And he said, “it’s ok, there’s no need to do this”. When he said that, there were at least 100 people within a radius of 5 feet around him. And while saying that he had the same ease and calm on his face as he had when he was sitting on the sofa upstairs with just 5 people around him. Not an iota of anxiety or haste. He wanted to meet everyone, and be available to everyone, and probably speak with everyone if time permitted.
If “Love” were to be embodied, I have no doubt how it would have looked like! Each moment of gratitude is so precious!
Someone I knew closely and was very fond of, completed his lifetime yesterday. More than being sad, I am happy for him. Primarily because I am sure he is in much less pain now, and also because he completed all that he got his life for, quite successfully, even though he bore a lot of pain for it.
This is the first death I have seen closely in my life and it has left me deeply silent. Till a day ago, there was a person; a person I interacted with. Today there is a body. There is also a 'being', but there is no person. The person has disappeared as if it never existed. And there isn’t a way I can tell myself with conviction that this person ever existed. What proof can I believe in? If it really did exist, how can it disappear? Like a mirage!
Till yesterday there was pain and happiness. There were memories and opinions. There were preferences and limitations. There were relations and responsibilities. Now, on one hand there is just a body, the grossest form of reality, and on the other hand there is the felt-presence of a being, the subtlest form of reality. The person, persona, and the personality, that I thought were the prime characteristics of that being, have just vanished somewhere. There’s nothing in between the two grossest and subtlest states. All that supposedly existed in between, did it really ever exist?
In such a state of confused-bewildered and happy-sad silence, I probably cannot correctly state what I am experiencing. To conclude, I would just say Om Namah Shivaya. And lots of love, prayers and blessings to the person/being I knew.
I recently revived a Mahindra Scorpio (an Indian SUV) from near-death condition to a powerful car it ought to be. And it gave me a very important lesson – that its humility which sustains power.
The first day of driving the Scorpio made me feel very powerful. Big car, elevated sitting, wide view of road, the sheer momentum that I was in control of, made all other vehicles look very tiny, destitute, and helpless. I was driving fast. Adrenaline was high. As if I were a bulldozer running at high speed through the road; capable of razing down anything that would dare come my way. Free will. Supreme power. Lord of velocity. Ferocious. Biggest of all…… MOST POWERFUL.
Just a few minutes of that adrenaline rush had gone by, when a big bus passed me from the right.
And the image of the bus driver appeared before my eyes. If my earlier feelings were based on truth, then the bus driver ought to be at least 5-6 times more powerful than me.
Ego shattered, adrenaline suddenly soaked up, replaced with hormones of shame and despair… I was brought back to reality. The relative-ness of reality. And the realization that despite all the knowledge that I had apparently acquired, a simple object of power could delude me.
What really is power? Based on my experience above, I can surely say that however great the power may be, it still is an illusion. And the earlier one realizes, the better. Even then, I would define power as the ability to influence/control something. That “something” could be a small object, a person’s feelings, an organizational machinery, or the entire national resources.
The next question I needed an answer for was, “if I know that power is indeed illusory then how should one behave when in power?” To answer this, Scorpio experience again came to my help. The best way to deal with power, I realized, is to deal with humility.
A bus driver is the most powerful person on the roads. A humble bus driver can be useful to others – to passengers and to other vehicles. A bus driver under illusion of power can create havoc on the roads. He needs to be sensitive about the smallest of vehicles around him – bicycles, motorcycles, pedestrians. For this position of power, he also needs a wider perspective. That’s why the bus driver is seated higher than other drivers.
In this co-existential world, if someone has the chance of being more powerful than others, can he really afford to be arrogant and misuse the power? No. Arrogance and misuse will just pave way for destruction! Either destruction of the structure that created that position of power, or destruction of the person who got the chance to be in power.
That probably is the reason why the most powerful god (Shiva) who has the power to destroy all three worlds, is also the most humble (Bholenath). Also, the most powerful living person I know on this planet, is also the most humble I know. His humility could be the reason why he hasn’t stopped rising in power since the time he started 'driving' about 30 years ago.
Kashmir is burning and bleeding, and I am praying. The government's move for all party consensus is much appreciable. But I wonder whether it's out of concern for Kashmiris or out of apprehension that other parties may use any withdrawal of AFSPA to gain political mileage. I fear it's the latter. Sitting in Delhi, it's just not possible to understand the pains and sensitivities of Kashmiri population. Look at any of the photographs published in the papers - of angry young people of Kashmir - and you won't find a single face which is out on the streets for fun. It's not like a typical protest in Bihar, UP, Telangana or Delhi, most of which are stage managed. There, one would find people grinning and having fun while a few of them (probably paid) would be shouting slogans. Kashmir is different. There is anger, concern, resentment, fury, demand, and unity in the people, in lots of such people, and in each one of them.
I fail to foresee a solution in either autonomy or enforced control, nor anywhere mid-way. We need to look for a solution out of these two boxes. If I were the PM I would have put up my chair and table right in the center of Lal Chowk and invited leaders to show up for talks if they are interested. Kashmir desperately needs a charismatic leader. None of the Geelani's, Abdullah's and Mufti's really command the hearts of Kashmiris. Not any more.
If not a common objective, a common enemy can sometimes unite people. This is what vested interests seem to have used in Kashmir. In Kashmiri's minds, especially Kashmiri Muslims, the objectives are unclear. Some want autonomy, some want freedom, some want referendum and some favor complete accession. But in all cases, there is only one party on the other side, and that's India.
If not charismatic leadership, the other things that have the potential of reducing and probably resolving the conflict in Kashmir, are education and economic development, beginning with the former. We need to start paying lot of attention on these areas and design policy packages on utmost priority, keeping a long term view. And yes, the only immediate solution is to find a scapegoat to divert public attention, in this case being AFSPA, as if AFSPA is the only and real culprit. How long would such deceptive decision making last!?
I am not an expert on Kashmir, but above made common sense to me!
Over the last few months I have seen a little bit of politics – something which stayed away from me for the first 30 years of my life. In fact, in the organizations I worked for previously, I was often called the most apolitical person. At IIFT, some colleagues would seek my opinion, specially knowing that it would be unbiased and fair to all concerned. At ONGC, a senior person told me how much he was surprised that everyone would only praise me, even when they couldn’t see eye-to-eye with each other. At BTGS/Pipal, my appraisals often centered on my being apolitical. Art of Living is a spiritual organization. And the little clean politics that happens around, I have now come to believe, is only good for the individuals and the organization. Not that I play the games, but I am aware enough to know them, better them, and let-go of them.
Politics is essential for one’s spiritual growth. This may sound iconoclastic, but I have good reasons to say that. Firstly, spirituality is about getting to your center (and remaining there), and the job of politics is throw you off the center. Now, you can either stay totally away from politics, or be totally in it and still be strong enough to remain centered. Staying away from politics is kind of impossible – it’s there in every household, every organization. So just smile and be with it, instead of complaining... “Oh, why the politics”.
Moreover, politics elevates you at all levels of existence –
1. The Intellect becomes alert and sharp – you will hardly find a politician who cannot plan, who can’t calculate the risks – you have to always be two steps ahead of others!
2. The senses become more observant – it’s said in politics that you have to always keep your eyes and ears open. A good politician can smell the future. The mind is more intuitive.
3. Your memory becomes stronger – you can’t be a politician who keeps forgetting! Who said what and when, who are friends and groups – you have to remember it all, over the years
4. The ego – feeling hurt, getting angry, being afraid - one would never win as a politician. You have to use the right words and behaviour irrespective of how you feel about the other person or situation
5. Body – politicians often need to travel a lot, work odd hours, and interact with diverse groups. All this is not possible without having good bodily discipline
What I am saying is that politics per se is not bad. It points towards an elevated mind. Mahatma Gandhi was also a politician. What needs to be done is to improve the value system in today’s politics - clean up the dirt, bring back righteousness in it. Gurudev has said many-a-times, politicians need to be Satyadarshi (truthful), Samdarshi (equanimous), Priyadarshi (pleasant), Paradarshi (transparent) and Doordarshi (visionary). All these attributes require a strong spiritual foundation. Politics today needs a little spiritual dose. I would urge the spiritual youth of the world shun their aversion to politics and lead the world towards a brighter future.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
It's been 20 days since my last post, and I feel like a criminal non-blogger.
Last weekend was a beautiful one. Gurudev was in Delhi. Moreover his stay got extended by a day due to some avoidable reasons, which one of the devotees reckoned as being a "perfect divine plan". In his presence, Delhi got blessed with rains too after a really long wait.
Around him one gets to remember and apply all the knowledge learnt in life. "Accept people as they are". "Give your 100%". "Be centered". "Live in the present". Et cetera. Probably the Guru Mandala is designed in such a way that you live your full potential at least for the moments you are around him. The mind is aware; the heart keeps filling with gratitude, love and devotion; you are preparing for that 10-second interaction with Him, and looking back at your life from a wider perspective :)
One of the most memorable moments last weekend was the reading of Yoga Vashishtha in his presence. It probably lasted an hour but seemed like just-started. The first sentence (of the chapter read out) itself took us to a state of deep meditation. "Moksha can be attained only through knowledge, and not through action". What a profound sentence. And with a good potential to confuse the mind. My meditation got interrupted with a phone call from the bureaucrat for whom I had organized a meeting with Guruji. He was waiting at the door and I had to escort him in.
On two occasions Guruji announced loudly - "It's after 1800 years that someone has got the name Pushpadanta", and referred again to the Pushpadanta who had composed the Shiva Mahimna Stotram. I felt hugely blessed those moments. Doesn't even matter if this is the same Pushpadanta or not. He has given me a name, with so much love, and he loves calling out that name... that's just more than enough. If I knew a Pushpadanta I would have loved calling out his name too... there is something inherently beautiful in this name. He also added that there must be some reason why my parents gave me my earlier name, which also started with Pushp...
The legend of Pushpadanta says that he was one of principal attendants of Lord Shiva. He was the chief of Gandharvas, and held the power to become invisible at will. One day he unknowingly misused his power to listen to a private conversation between Shiva and Parvati, because of which he was condemned to a human birth. He composed Shiva Mahimna Stotram in his human birth and got salvation thereafter.
That's it for now. I have a few half-finished writings which I shall soon complete and post.
Au revoir!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Firstly, thank you all for encouraging me so much to continue writing. I was really overwhelmed by some of the responses. Thank you very much.
I am sure all bloggers face this dilemma – what to write. Now there’s a set of friends who liked your first post and you want to keep meeting or exceeding their expectations. The last thing you would want is to lose the mindspace you have earned. Fame, however small or unreal it may be, is addictive, I have realized! I thank you who specifically appreciated the honesty, freshness and genuineness of the blog. So I will just remain that way… :)
17 reasons why you should accept people as they are:
Because wise people have told you so
Because if you don’t accept certain people around you, you give more of your mindspace to them, and let them bother you more and more. Be wise!
Because people are bound to be different. If you accept only certain kinds of people, you are actually dishonoring the creation, which has created all varieties.
People keep changing. You are living in a dream world if you want to accept only those who fit particular criteria. Even those who fit your bill currently will change in some time. Wake up from your dream world!
Your own definitions of acceptance have changed over time – at least be honest with yourself.
You don’t like to live in a black and white world, do you? Life is about colors! Enjoy the diversity of human nature.
Everyone is made of the same spirit. When you accept them as they are, you drop your judgments which are only superficial, and this lets you see the spirit which is behind all creation
Because you can correct a particular disagreeable behavior only when you have accepted the person behaving that way. Otherwise he/she won’t listen to you.
Acceptance takes you one plane higher above the plane of entanglements. It’s conducive to evolution to accept.
What is non-acceptance? Just some disturbed thought energy in your mind! What use is it anyway?!
When you observe different behaviors impartially, your intellect becomes more mature. You are able to look at the root cause of behaviors, and act more appropriately.
People sometimes behave a certain wrong way because of their stresses. Be compassionate.
Who are you to accept or not accept? God created them, and has naturally accepted them! Play down your ego-sense.
What if your heart doesn’t accept the digestive system? It might say that the digestive system is such a dirty place – acids, enzymes, mucus, decomposed food etc. Everyone has his/her own place in this world. Look at the bigger picture.
When you accept others, you will break communication barriers. You will gain popularity.
You both carry the same DNA. We had same ancestors. So why carry differences in the heart?
Despite how much ever we may not accept a person, we ourselves want to be accepted by him/her. Somewhere we believe we are perfectly all right, and so should be universally accepted. Come on, now does that sound reasonable to you?
Its 02.50 AM, and I have suddenly decided to start an online blog! My mind is overflowing with multiple chains of thoughts, connected at some random events of past. As if I were going round and round on a large flyway, touching the same roads again and again, and not knowing how to exit!
Here I am, on the bed, with lights and AC on, eyes fatigued but refusing to shut down for the day, and the mind now wondering what name I should give to this blog. Something philosophical like “So Far” or “Heart to Heart”, or something exotic like “life of a shibumi”, or something just plain simple – “PushpDant’s blog”. I like the last one. It’s simple, self explanatory, and gives me a chance to flaunt my name, without sounding propagandistic. I have always been a bit too proud of my name since it was given by Guruji (almost 2 years back). Even though that pride might be an obstacle on my path - being attached to a name even when it was given to make me realize that everything changes, even a name - I still love it. What a happy illusion!
I had been contemplating to go full-time with AoL since late last year, prompted by the thought that I will turn 30 soon, and that’s half a lifetime gone, without having done much which I could be really proud of. But of course, before taking that important decision, much more thinking had to be done, followed by discussions with stakeholders in my life, and followed by aggressive convincing – intellectually and emotionally. I had to be absolutely sure myself.
After brooding over this for a few months, and with a few questions still in my mind, I softly asked Guruji at the end of one of the advanced courses at Bangalore ashram – “Should I become full-time”. My question wasn’t even completely uttered, and promptly came a reply – “Haan haan, tu aur kya karega” (translated: yeah, what else will you do). With that went away any trace of doubt that I might still have had. If there’s really nothing else I should do, then just go ahead and take the plunge. Leave your easy and comfortable job, that too with a loan on your head, to do what? Probably sweep the floors at the ashram! And how to convince everyone at home? IIT+MBA+Expectations! But I was mentally prepared, and knew I would be happier doing anything for H. H. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, than earning value for a bunch of speculative traders on the stock market, for whom almost every company works for these days.
It must be true that there is a right time for everything. I had asked him the same question almost 4.5 years back at Delhi. And he had told me in a few jumbled up sentences, to the effect that 1) wait for 5 years, 2) earn some money, and 3) come to ashram. I hadn’t realized the importance of these words at that time; it sounded like just some mumbo jumbo. But now, it all made complete sense. Not just complete, but astonishing sense. The time was now right, or maybe 0.5 years later.
Having got the “Yes”, the next question in my mind was “When”. I asked him about this at the airport next day, but rarely is he known to give more than one clear answer. “Choice is yours blessing is mine” is his standard reply. At the airport we walked a full 150 meter length together from the security check to the boarding gate, and I kept thinking when and how to ask. Isn’t that something for me to decide on my own? Is there a need for asking? On the other hand I didn’t want to decide too late, since you never know what plans he already has made for you, and you don’t want to lose any good opportunities just because of your dilly-dallying. Moreover, if he does tell you a date or time, it’s also like a blessing, because of which any other remaining obstacles would just fall apart, and make my transition happen anyhow by that date or time, in the smoothest possible manner. But this time he wasn't so benevolent on me. Although he didn’t say “Choice is yours…”, he told me, “Whenever, wind up and come”.
By when do I wind up!? How long do I take to wind up!? There are things I could wind up in a day. Just pack my bags and go to ashram. Or I could take another 5 years to wind up - to service my loan, among other things. Things were unclear in my head. A few weeks later he came down to Delhi for some work. Spotting me in a large crowd (an extraordinary ability he has always had), he asked me what I had decided. Under some strange compulsive force, and not having any real reason behind saying it, I said “end of March”. Done. Everything decided now. Later I realized that it meant some financial loss to me because of company’s bonus/resignation policies, but I had already given my word. I wouldn’t go back on my word, even to a beggar on the street. And now this is a word given to the Master. What's money before that!
Now, finally being a full-timer, am happy to have realized what I had hoped for. A life of giving, although with its own set of turmoils, has much more worth, than a life of exchanging, and more often than not, just asking. And what propels one is only the intention to serve. An intention to which one can never be dishonest. Because it comes up only after having achieved a certain sense of honesty with oneself. And unlike other motivations which keep getting metamorphosed, this can’t really change or die down. Because it is a result of other motivations having lived their cycle and matured through successive moments of realization.
In Delhi for sometime now, working with the Government Programs team, and will soon be based at the Bangalore ashram (still 0.25 years remaining I guess!) - not sweeping floors though. And I hope I continue writing on this blog, that too at much saner hours! Thanks for reading :)
